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Pretty Shitty Sex In The City

by | Nov 19, 2015 | News & Current Affairs |

Sexual Silence

It’s always been a source of intrigue for me, as to why sexuality is such a taboo. Sure, it’s lessened in it’s disgusting-ness over the last few decades, but still it’s very much an off-limits topic in ‘correct’ company. It’s as though there’s something very wrong with it… “Brrrush it under the carpet Cynthiaah, I sharnt consider such animalistic beastliness!”

I watched two cows have a shag in a field this summer. The others were hardly interested at all.

I think it’s a big problem. Still. For both men and women – not to mention children. Media and culture thrust it down both genders’ throats like a foie-gras goose that’s been misplaced at Christmas and has found its way into the stuffing queue. Just put ‘tits’ and ‘ass’ into google and see how long it takes for any birds or donkeys to show up.

From an early age men are frothed up for the pleasures of ejaculation (even if it’s disguised as fairytale chivalry) with little consideration for what to say or do after the ‘conquest’. Whereas for females they are expected to think of their sexuality as a lure. Bait, for a lifetime of being celebrated, or not (gulp), through beauty …with the help of Bridget Jones’ pants.

“Hello Mummy!”

Clothes, cosmetics, movies, websites, etc, are the ground bait and women’s succulent flesh is the hook. Bag yourself a man, girls! All men need is a shag or two and they’ll fall into a trance. Oh Bouys …wanna …bob… a bit…? Mwah.

Then the clock is ticking: Keep them under your spell for a few more months and you’ll have the wedding of your dreeeams (it’s worth the drama!) Once the chore of being ‘generous’ is completed you’ll get a family like off the washing powder adverts; win your parents’ validation; and, as a bonus, someone contracted to off-load your insecurities onto for the rest of your days! Mwah-ha-ha!

…Perfect. And If you ’break them in’ well enough … you might even get a free domestic serf…

[Cue Count’s lightening.] “Oh Mirror. Mirror…”

 

As I mentioned in a previous article (‘Love …or what?”) there’s pressure on females to prioritise
cultural references as to what ‘beauty’ is. It is pitched that to be beautiful is only about visual stimulus. ‘Catch the eye and win the heart,’ might be an interesting slogan for some commercially competitive panties or hair product, or cleaning product, or bank, or Miss Haversham, or absolutely anything really.

Men, from a social stereotypical point of view, are not credited, generally speaking, with emotions; beyond brutish attraction, anger and jealously. And men play to this too. Because it’s ‘the rules’. There is a cliched courtship dance that gets played out at nightclubs, bars, etc. She says: “Check me out big boy, I’m a vulnerable diva who needs to be protected by an impermeable man with no demonstrable weakness (…of course once we hook up I’ll be constantly probing for your ‘buttons’, but for now I’ll pretend that I buy your bullshit and in return you can show all my girlfriends how devoted you are to me. Feel free to kiss my toes like Sandra and electrified Travolta …and I’ll push you away with my tight, oily, greeeasy pants.”)

She’s the one that I want. Oh oh oh.

And in return the man offers: “Yeah, I’m completely sorted: 100%: Emotionally rock-solid: Feel free to lean on me for all your fragile and insecure baggage: I love it! I get this world. Few can do life like me. I breeze through it all. It’s a piece of piss. Don’t get me wrong, I’m usually aloof and tough, but you’re special, so I’ll soften as though I’m regularly a raging sexual grizzly with you as my tonic. Grrr. I’m sex on legs, me. (…But once I’ve shagged you a few times I won’t necessarily keep up with this pandering to your attention seeking. You’ll have to put up with football and farting. If you think I’m the lifelong external answer to your insecurities, you’re very wrong. Don’t get complacent – it’s temporary; because I just want to feel sexually potent in front of the lads, and don’t expect high standards of house keeping neither.”

It’s a pretence that has no longevity, because any vulnerabilities offered are carefully stage managed; choreographed; and the show of affection and attention is therefore selfish. A trade.

So the ‘attractive’ aspect becomes all about what’s on offer. “Look what I’ve got: You’ll probably be delighted with me! Shall we find out…?” And it becomes a fashion show of flirtation. “Wow. have you seen the car he drives?” “God I want to get my hands on those puppies. They’ve got to be double DD at least!” Etc. “O… M… G… He’s got a massive ….”. “She’s amazing in the sack: she takes it up the …”. Etc.

Down the rabbit warren of allure it goes. Each trying to out bid the competition with that ‘SeX factor’. The media plays it up to win money and capitalism through our insatiABLE CRAVING MWAH_HA_HAAA! – and revels in the superficial, short-term / quick buck nature of it all. You can’t market a soulful, lasting, relationship, you bastards but you’re pretty good at flogging sex. Fair fucks. Easily. Exploit the insecurities, froth ‘em up, and make them pay through the nose to avoid being ugly.

Age, baldness, weight, skin, hair, labels, bingo-wings, transport, even chocolate! Corporations – from banks to tampons – will use a bit of slap and tickle to titilate you into believing in their brand values.

But it backfires. Take the youthfulness aspect. The principle is: You can’t be beautiful if you look old. Or: Try to look as young as you can so you can still feel fabulously like: ‘I’ve STILL gat it!’. Uh-oh. That means that young is sexy. Like, scientifically: in our philosophy. Like them Romans! And did we just establish that men are revved up to sniff sex at every and any opportunity? This is heading for trouble… You’re telling me that adult women shave their pubic hair to add to their sexual allure!? Christ alive, is no one else seeing the disaster brewing here??

Take the weight aspect. Children can see from an early age that it’s important not to be fat. Their innocence is assaulted by fears and insecurities that the manner in which they are growing is wrong. Sure in the sixties it was fashionable to be sexily curvaceous like Marylyn Monroe, but today she’s just worthless and fat. Can you imagine how much the Muslim ladies, (in their overalls!), must think of the hypocrisy of when they recognise a female bodily shape becoming a commodity.)

If you want to be respected – materially (is there any other capitalist kind?) – as a woman in our society, you must look like a lumpy boy. Unless you can walk over a cattle-grid and worry about falling through, you’re a nobody! Because a voluptuous hourglass adult female figure is wrong! This season only pubescent size zero is permissible.

WARNING! WARNING! Male sexual cross-wire alert!

“Sedate that brute Richherd Attingburrrgh!”

It’s akin to the soldier who is trained to kill as without question; who then gets banged up for twenty years after having a few pints in the pub, before murdering the bloke who knocked the cherry off his fag, as he had learned how to do…

I wonder if any man has ever been in court for pedophilia and claimed innocence through cultural manipulation…? I reckon he’d have a decent chance of convincing a jury – via an expensive barrister who speaks the language of ‘law jargon’ naturally – that it wasn’t his fault that he fancies children. Capitalism has moulded his mind in that direction. And Malcom Tucker is coming…

And so many men have no idea about creating a sexual relationship in an empathetic and caring manner. Hence physical sexual abuse is rife. Women (and girls …have you seen those sexy school girl nights at the nightclubs? Hmmmm.) They are objects of lust in our society, those kids? A different species perhaps? Incomprehensible with their emotional literacy and lack of overt assertiveness (…well perhaps to begin with…).

There was a ‘joke’ I remember from my teenage years at an all boys school: How to you make a woman cum? Answer: Who cares.

I found out about female erogenous zones through brave questioning. Why? Is this a hang over from Victorian embarrassment that some people have a different kind of genitalia to others? Sexual congruence is in the same category as moving ones bowels, from a material, and strictly public, perspective. Yuck. We have a contradiction at present, whereby sex is, on the one hand, essential from a social pecking order point of view …and yet still a stuffy taboo.

We are invited to think of sex as sordid and socially exciting. Pretend you don’t do it. Keep it secret. It makes us all uncomfortable. Get a room! Go somewhere else! I don’t want to know! Don’t tell anybody what happened! You’ll bring shame on yourself and your family! But covertly and secretly the sinfullness issss ssssooo exciiiiting Mowgli. Again – I’m sure I don’t have to highlight the dangers of such sexual secrecy. Within the darkness of shadows is where abuse happens.

And what happens to the sexual urges of adults too culturally ugly, or inhibited, or sexually starved?

Hopefully they go to a professional – let’s call them massage parlours shall we? A handy euphemism. Dew dew. Good God. Marvellous. Because if they are looking to find an ‘outlet’ or ‘release’, impressionable enough to dominate (and don’t forget how sexy it is to play dominatrix games… ahem, …according to statistics); and manipulate; and where is the obvious demographic to target, like a reptilian predator…? Yep, those over there are the most vulnerable.

You see we are sexual animals (even, God forbid, the cold-blooded reptiles …spilling over from the ancient ages). They like to have their ‘beans flicked’ and their budgie’s tongues kissed like the rest of us; lounge lizards that they are… “Oh. Excuuuuse m’h. More schoolboy tjoshing: ‘Cuntingiliiiiingus’!)

We crave close quarters affection and tactile care and appreciation. And if we don’t ‘get it’ soothingly and lovingly – the wheels might go skewiff the deviant energy arrives…

…We need to have a rethink about femininity and masculinity (is it important who goes first there?), and think of ways to help us get along. And respect childhood innocence as a priority.

The birds are singing their little hearts out.

OL

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